What kind of car are you?

OK, I'm not a high maintenance type of woman. Actually, I was told by a therapist once that if women were like cars, some would be Jaguars, Mercedes, you know the kind that require high dollar outputs to keep them running. He then proceeded to tell me I was more like a 1964 Chevy Impala, dependable! What the @(#*? I've had to seek additional counseling since then!

Shortly after that I decided that I would do one thing for myself regardless of anything else. That one thing was to get my nails done every two weeks and have a pedicure once a month. I've been doing this for about 6 or 7 years now.

Now for those of you who are not familiar with how the process is done, they super glue an acrylic tip to your real nail and then fill it with some sort of toxic (if inhaled) powder. Normally this will last a month or two. Mine seem to last 4 days!

I popped one of my nails off recently and decided I would glue it back on. I found an old bottle of super glue and jabbed a straight pin down in the opening. Turned the bottle upside down and squeezed. Nothing! I stuck the pin back down in the bottle, wiggled the pin around and tried it again. This time I squeezed a little harder.

All of the sudden, half the bottle emptied onto my nail with such force that I can only imagine what Mt. St. Helen's was like. The liquid glue ran all over my left hand. It even splashed up onto my glasses. I wonder if I can claim them as safety glasses now?

Now I had enough foresight to realize I must NOT close my hand. So here I am with super glue drying on my entire hand. The bottle of super glue in my other hand and super glue on my glasses. Oh did I mention the dog and cat right under my feet?

I ran into the kitchen (from the den where I was doing this stunt). Immediately dropped the bottle into the trash. I then turned on the water and ran my hand under cold water (like that was going to work).

I went into the linen closet and looked for that 15 year old bottle of Skillern's brand finger nail polish remover and a cotton ball. Now the tricky part was trying not to get any nail polish remover on the other nails because I had just gotten them done 4 days earlier!!

Super glue has a tendency to turn white on contact with water so at least I was now able to see where all the glue was (nevermind that I was not able to close my hand!).

I started scrubbing. I then got the tweezer and started peeling. That actually worked the best! Especially in the small lines of my knuckles.

My attentions then turned to my glasses. I only had one small drop on the top of my lens but it was enough to annoy me. So I took another cotton ball and proceeded to try the nail polish remover. That didn't work so well...It just sort of smeared it.

After 3 days of seeing the smear, I finally broke down and called the optician (see my earlier post entitled - Optometrist or was it just a dream? February Archive) They recommended pure acetone, and then if that didn't work try soaking the lens in mineral oil (may be able to then peel the glue off). If all else fails, I can have a new lens made! ACCKKKKKK!!

I tracked off to Sally's Beauty supply and purchased the smallest bottle of pure acetone available. For $2.69 I was able to buy 12 oz. that is guaranteed to be enough to last my entire life! It worked!! It worked so good it dissolved part of my remaining nails!!

I'll show them who is low maintenance!!

Mommy can I keep him?

OK, I admit it. I'm a sucker for animals. I like all animals. I enjoy watching them in their natural habitat. I enjoy playing with the domesticated ones.

For the past few weeks, Water Pig and I have noticed that there is a house, not to far from work, which has their dogs up on the roof of the garage (the roof is flat). These dogs are in a large cage. There is NO shade anywhere. Now it hasn't been to terribly hot in Texas so we thought we would watch the situation. Yesterday it was close to 90 degrees and in an effort to shade these dogs, a blanket was laid over the cage. Well that was all it took. The SPCA has been notified. I'll adopt these poor pups if necessary!

About three weeks ago, a baby opossum was trapped outside of work. Last week, I spotted another opossum and notified facilities. I stipulated that they were to capture the opossum and release it in the country! Today, in the cage is the CUTEST baby opossum (he's black with black and white spotted ears). He has a white face and big black eyes. I just want to put him in my car and take him home.

I can see it now, I'm going to be that crazy old lady, who lives alone with all those animals!!

It's not just screaming thighs...But screaming arms, legs, butt, and stomach too!!

First, let me start by saying that another person's blogs have inspired me! Thanks screaming thighs.

During the week I've been trying to stay on my diet. My friend Water Pig seems to keep me on track with eating and walking during the week. It's those dreaded weekends where I falter.

I have been keeping my food journal everyday (except the weekends). This past week I thought I had really blown it with a HUGE Mexican meal on Saturday. Oh yea, and a martini on Friday (I forget to tell Water Pig about that)!

Granted, I have been walking 5 x a week. I've also been working out at Curves 3 x a week. So should I lose weight?

I reluctantly got on the scales this morning and woooo hooooo!!! I had dropped 2 pounds!! That's 4 in 4 weeks.

Now my friend (we'll call her D) joined Curves with me. She's going every day. I'm not sure I can go everyday. I'm thinking 3 times a week for now. If I start to slow down on the weight loss, then I'll increase it.

Keep your fingers crossed.

Viva Las Vegas...Or is that Shreveport?

Friday afternoon,the phone rings My friend B is on the line. Don't make plans for tomorrow. We are going to the boats to go gambling.

Now being the responsible person I am, I ask how long will we be gone? I mean I have a dog and cat I have to take care of.

B responds by saying that we may spend the night so make sure that I make the arrangements.

B's sister is going through a divorce so B invited her, B's brother and his nephew. So at 2:00 pm we loaded up the Expedition and off we went.

Seems it was prom night in Shreveport. We know because we saw two accidents and beside one of the accidents were teenagers in their formals and tuxs. There was even a dwarf (vertically challenged if I'm being politically correct) in a tux (that's another blog).

Upon arrival, we went to Isle of Capri. We decided to start at one end and we would move down from there. The guys played craps and we looked for a $5.00 card game. Since there were none to be found, we tried our hand at the slots. After several hours and no winnings, we decided to move on.

Next stop, the Hollywood Casino. (I bet my advertisements above will be for online gambling!). After about an hour I was becoming discouraged. B and I decided we'd go to the back of the boat. Finally, on the nickel machines, I won $115.00!! (Nevermind that I'd already lost $180.00.)

I then decided I would look for a card game. I found a $5.00 Caribbean stud game and there were some seats (usually means no one is winning). I sat down and like magic, my money had disappeared.

I saw B's brother and nephew playing at a table across from me so I decided I would go see how they were doing. They were playing at a $10.00 table. Both of the guys told me to sit down, that the table was hot. I told them to hold my place and I went to cash my last $100 traveler's check.

Well besides the two guys (to my right), there were two other guys from St. Louis there. One slightly more tipsy than the other one. As soon as I sat down, the one guy (the tipsy one) informed me that in order to sit at the table I had to agree that if I won the jackpot of $141,000.00 that I would give everyone at the table $15,000. That was what everyone had agreed too. I agreed.

Right off the bat I won the first 3 hands. Soon, my $100 had multiplied to $250.00. I was liking this.

Then a man followed by two young guys sat down at the table. He put $400.00 on the ante (we each had $10 or $15). He was obviously drunk and the "big" pit boss was standing by his side. The rest of us were starting to hyperventilate. The cards were handed out. I felt like I was being watched. I never have felt that way before. It was kind of scary. A crowd started to gather around us. The man with the large bet folds. We all are like OMG dude, you just lost $400 in 30 seconds. No biggie...

The cocktail waitress had been scarce most of the evening. But once the big spender tipped her $100.00, well we couldn't get her to leave. I was drinking coffee and B's nephew was ordering milk! The dealer said he had never witnessed anyone drinking milk before.

Next hand, here comes another three hundred. Now the drunk guy from St. Louis starts a conversation with the big spending drunk. (By the way, the big spender was from Center, Texas - wherever that is). We can't hear what they are saying but the big spender tells the St. Louis man "HEY, if you want to kick my azz, we'll take it outside". The two guys behind the big spender crowd around...I'm thinking...OK, I'm out of here.

The St. Louis guys says..."Well why the $@#% did you call me a woodpecker?" The big spender says.."I said do you want to hear a joke about a woodpecker!!" Well everyone backed down. I'm thinking..MEN!

After losing about $2000, the big spender leaves. About that time B and her sister come up to us and said that they were ready to go. Neither one had won. I too was beginning to lose, (back down to $195.00). So at 2:00 am we left Shreveport for the 3 1/2 hour drive home. And guess who had to drive? :)

Walk this way!

We had waited patiently for the day to arrive and alas...McDonald's now sells happy meals for Adults. Well they call them activity meals....but they still have a prize.

Upon arrival to the local McDonald's, Water Pig and I mosey on up to the counter and proceed to place our orders. Now McDonald's offers one of three types of salads, a bottled water, and a pedometer in their "Activity Meal". The person that waited on me obviously called in sick on the day that Activity meals were being discussed.

Clerk - Which type of salad would you like?
Me - anyone without meat.
Clerk - They all have meat.
Clerk next to her - Ma'am we can make anyone without meat.
Me - Caesar without meat and whatever reduced calorie dressing you have.
Clerk - You don't want Caesar dressing?
Me - Is it low-fat?
Clerk - No, only the balsamic vinaigrette is low-fat.
Me - That's what I want.
Clerk - What would you like to drink?
Me - It says it comes with bottled water.
Clerk next to my clerk - Don't charge her extra for the (mumbled either water or meat)

The clerk proceeds to put the salad on a tray (I had said for here). The clerk next to her said, it goes in a happy meal box.
So she takes my salad away while she goes and folds a box.
The lady behind me is starting to tap her feet at this point.
Water Pig, who also ordered the same thing (only with meat) didn't get a box for her salad.
Then I hear a reminder to my clerk, "don't forget the prize".

Alas, we take our orders and sit to eat.

Now, the prize is this wonderful pedometer. Water pig immediately claims that her clerk pulled her prize from the wrong box ... the instructions are all in Spanish!! I quietly nudged her and told her to turn over the pamphlet.

We were impressed that the battery was included. This was really a nice prize for just ordering a salad. We'll be skinny before you know it! After 5 minutes we realized that we still couldn't operate the pedometer to reset it as the Spanish instructions had advised. Water pig then discovers a tiny arrow and BINGO...we could reset the pedometer to zero. We were ready to start walking!!!
All we had left was to strap it to our belt and go.

Now why Water Pig decided to read the instructions for that, I will never know. But she did. And believe it or not the instructions had very implicit instructions on operating. You must have the pedometer positioned strategically in the center of your leg. To far to the left or right ...well I don't know what will happen.

The next item on the instructions stated that if your stomach was to large, it might not work! What in the world do they mean by that? What is to large?? I'm thinking that people with flat little stomachs are NOT going for the salad and water...they've always had flat little stomachs and are going for the Big Mac and fries!!

Anyway, we proceeded to walk back to the car and test our new toys. We each took the same number of steps (although Water Pig did take a wrong door and found herself on the playground). Once in the car, we eagerly opened the pedometer to check our number of steps. Seems Water Pig took 147 steps and I took 7. I'm thinking my stomach must be to big.

I am hoping that McDonald's next trial will be a play area for adults!! But there will probably be a weight limit :(

Siskel and Me

OK, so the funeral for Mrs. W is today. It is supposed to be a typical spring day in Texas which means Thunderstorm warnings.

For some unknown reason I thought about the movie "Harold and Maude". If you haven't seen the movie, it's a little strange but then those are the types I LOVE. It was made in 1971. It's about a young man (18 or so) who is facinated by death. Wanting his mother's attention he stages his suicide (numerous times)but the mother doesn't buy it. He attends funerals of people he doesn't know. He meets Maude (Ruth Gordon) at one of these funerals. She is a 79 year old holocaust survivor and lives life to the fullest (she attends funerals but it's just so she can steal cars). Harold falls in love with Maude but .... well I won't say anymore since you may want to rent it.

Throughout the movie the music of Cat Stevens is played. I used to love the music of Cat Stevens (now Yusuf Islam). Maybe I will go though my vinyl and see if I have a copy of Tea for the Tillerman anywhere.

I give the movie a "thumbs up".

Goodbye Mrs. W

I have always heard the older generation talk of how hard it is to read the obituaries and learn of people close to them dying. Well I guess I am now part of that older generation.

Yesterday I learned of the death of a close friend's mother. This is the second one of these for me in the past 2 years. Now that might not be a lot but it got me to thinking. These ladies were just a little older than my mother. And both were younger than my step-father.

Anyway, Mrs. W was a lovely lady. She was a stay at home mom and I have fond memories of her. What intriqued me the most about her was that she was British. She grew up in Middlesex, England and survived the German bombings of Britian. She married a U.S. Air Force serviceman stationed in Britian. She left her home, family and country to become an American. I wonder how many of us could actually move to another country for love?

I remember going over to my friend J's house on a Friday or Saturday night when we were in high school. Her parents would be having a party for one reason or another. Her mother (Mrs. W.) would make us virgin dacquari's all blended up. We'd always sneak a little rum in when no one was looking. J's Aunt and Uncle would be at these parties and talk of fun times at a Willie Nelson picnic or some other outdoor concert. Her Aunt and Uncle's names were Frankie and Johnny. I always wanted to burst out in song..."Frankie and Johnny were lovers"...I thought for older people, J had some really cool relatives.

I also remember at one of these get-togethers being slapped with a piece of ham by J's brother Mark. It wasn't funny at the time but as the year's went by we laughed about it. It's ironic that a person I would later meet through work would end up marrying Mark (she was from another state and didn't know I knew him).

I would see Mr. and Mrs. W occassionally and they were always warm and friendly towards me. Inviting me to join them at the VFW hall for a drink or just to catch up on life.

To the W. family, my sincere condolences. To Mrs. W. I will miss your smiling face and warm heart. To my friend J, how my heart aches for you. Every Mother's Day will be full of this memory but try to remember only the good times. I will.